Leave With Better Skills, Not Pills: Career Lessons I Had to Bleed For

Your first adult job, fresh out of school, gives you an idea of where you want to go – or not go. Although for some it turns out to be a rather vivid and accurate idea, for many, it is one of the many steps we must take to get it right.

I often sit and think about how my first job shaped, branded, and most importantly, pruned me. Leaving my first job was by fire, and the mental breakdowns were everything words can't truly describe. Years passed, tears wiped away, a broken spirit, and, happily, new smiles. I am ready to share seven tips for those who come after me and those currently in my old shoes.

Here are seven career lessons and tips I learned from my first adult job straight out of graduate school. There is something here for everyone at every stage. Old dogs can still learn new tricks, I hope.

#1: Take It Personally 

We’ve all been told not to take things personally or to heart. And in some cases, it is medicinal and shows maturity. And for women, it is said to convey power and serve as a means of buy-in into the “men’s club” - not sure if that is still true or healthy, but sometimes you have to eat junk to know the difference. However, in many situations, it is an opportunity that is often missed or underutilized. 

Take to heart the positive comments and improve on them. Yes, positive feedback is not the end of your glory days. It's merely a confirmation that you're doing something right, and you need to keep at it and expand on the admired qualities. Don’t sit on compliments and not improve.

The same applies to the negative and sometimes piercing comments you may receive. You can't dodge these, and if you are trying not to get any, stop. Allow it to happen painfully. Those negative comments are your pruning knives. And however tart they will be delivered, they will not stop till the pruning process is done.

Such course moments join the assembly line of evolution to get you ready for what comes next. Allow the negative and positive comments to take their effect. Take it personally through the lens of a learner. Thus, allowing the inevitable blows to be softer and more impactful each time.

Learners are open-minded. They are constantly taking information and adding their understanding to the principal skill. So, adult-up and get your band aids ready for those cuts. 

Tip: Starve your ego and take both positive and negative compliments personally. Train your mind to always be in learner mode. However, know your limits.

#2: You Are Very Replaceable. OOPS! 

Now, I know your loved ones have told you how irreplaceable and special you are. And it’s true in some categories in life, but in corporate America and all businesses and companies, you are VERY replaceable. 

You may be a “some-of-that” and not yet an “all-that,” and it is fine. This is not a race. You will arrive on time through growth, maturity, and experience, but it will take years. A twenty-something can very well come for your job, and in the same light, a forty-something may bring a different approach than you. It's anyone's game.

Before you start getting turned off about what I just said, remember I said to take it personally? Take it personally and ask yourself, “If it comes down between you and another colleague, and your supervisors have to choose, who will be selected and why? What will be at play against you, and what will be in your favor? A few things? Many things? Everything or nothing that should count but is considered? 

Companies and institutions of any caliber have seen many people come and go, and you are part of those numbers. Be comfortable with this fact and know this: it does not mean your worth, talent, or skills are less than or valueless.

It does not mean your worth, talent, or skills are less than or valueless.

It does, however, mean that if they conclude that you sing in treble while they need you to be in alto – even if the lyrics are the same or you ask one more question than everyone, they are entitled to the right to:

1. Let you go

2. Push you out by making it hard for you to do and enjoy your work, or

3. Keep you and train you.

And let’s not forget, you have the right to do the same. Working anywhere, for anyone, is like a contract between two people. You are free to break it as you see fit.

As someone once told me, “They can fire you just because they do not like the color of your nail polish.” I felt that.

Tip: Beat the system by adding more value to your personal and professional self. Be present with the intention to understand (again), even if you think you know it all. And when your time is up, leave with better skills, not pills.

leave with better skills, not pills

#3: Document Everything 

If you are in the field in rural African areas, like I was, keep copies of all your work-related communications —both paper and electronic versions. Save them as PDFs if you can. These are your get-out-of-jail-free card, your identity card, and your tax returns. They serve as an umbrella for the rainy and hot days coming your way – and they will come.  

Perhaps you find yourself in an unplanned official meeting or work-related conversation via phone or text; send a recap of the conversation to all parties involved as soon as possible. And if sending a recap is not possible immediately, discuss it with the appropriate person(s) so that it is at least documented in some form. 

You don't want to find yourself in a situation where it’s their words against yours and your reputation is on the line, not theirs. Always be ready for the house of cards to come crumbling down, just make sure you are not under it when it does. 

Tip: Use your work email and phone for work purposes only. Redirect all work conversations to working times and days to create a clear boundary. 

#4: Be Fluid, Firm and Fun 

Sometimes there is no time to sit and have a kumbaya conversation. Your work may be fast-paced, with tight deadlines, a large number of people to manage, and numerous constantly moving parts.

Your reputation and approach to your staff and clients are essential; thus, being firm and alert are important. But you can have fun, be fluid, and firm simultaneously.

Give a flexible structure that allows people to bend it within reason, while getting the job done in an enjoyable and respectful atmosphere. This method was a win-win for me. I found myself in situations in which a White man would never be questioned about, but I, as a Black woman, was crucified for. I had to learn to bend the rules while retaining respect from my team, delivering excellent client service, and enjoying myself. It was one of the most challenging mental games I've ever gone through, but I survived it - broken, but I was alive and filled with lessons.

Tip: Find a balance between these three traits. Don’t pay attention to those who will pollute the harmony when you find one. 

#5: Watch That Kool Aid 

Growing up in Ghana in the 90s, Kool Aid was a privilege to have. It sent a status message to your friends that you were cool. Unfortunately, this is the same in the adult working world. 

The Kool Aid I am referring to here is commonly known as the organizational culture of a workplace – how people act towards each other; how the higher-ups and supervisors treat and talk to employees vs donors or clients at any level; how emails are sent, etc. In short, the Kool Aid is the vibe and vernacular of the company. If you find yourself starting to change to fit in, altering your individuality and voice to get social and administrative approval, then it’s time to put the cup down and switch to water!

Getting a sugar high on the organization's Kool Aid promotes unhealthy nesting, exclusivity of new ideas, and people. It is a parallel way of thinking that tends to dismiss anyone outside of the nest.

Of course, it is essential that your views align with those of the company. However, it is not a good idea to lose your natural voice because you want to fit in and be part of the “cool” group. Embrace that uncommon quality and own that space and narrative.

Tip: Keep your individuality fed and hydrated. Resist the nesting. Show team spirit without losing your spirit. 

Show team spirit without losing your spirit. 

#6: Everyone Is A Customer  

People like to be thought of, acknowledged, given choices, and autonomy – or the illusions of it. Teach yourself to see everyone as a customer and every assignment as a temporary contract. 

Your customers are your supervisors, your supervisees, the cleaners, the receptionist, your colleagues, and the clients. Some customers are pleasant and so wonderful. Others are vindictive and spiteful, while some are reasonable and will meet you halfway. This is the human working reality. But you can dance happily through it.

Give people the service you want to receive. Do not get comfortable with casual conversations and forget you are always on the job; whether in the office, in the field, or at a social gathering with work colleagues. Be sure to steer clear of that slippery slope and keep it concise.  

Tip: Servitude does not mean weakness. In the same light, being of service does not mean your standards are lowered. If they go low, you soar!

Lastly… 

#7: You Are The Ink

There are times when you will feel like a gewgaw to your community and company. You will work and still feel a profound sense of emptiness inside. You will do everything stated above, and it will still not result in a harmonious work-life relationship. 

In such moments, remember this: You are the ink. 

You are not the pen, a tool. You are the ink, the permanent stain on your own career and life. 

And as the ink and the writer, you should not allow the instrument in the disguises of a job, a salary, a benefit package, a supervisor, an evaluation, a coworker, a company, to manipulate the flow of your ink.

Tip: Find your worth and add tax. And if it means quitting your job, let me tell you from experience: it is worth your mental health. You will eventually find a better job. Don't trade your inner peace for paper.

What are some of the lessons you've learned thus far? Comment below and share your thoughts with me.

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In the meantime, be gentle with yourself,

Celestina