Boundaries And Communication: How I Stopped Over-giving And Found Peace

Boundaries are one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. For years, I equated kindness with overextending and being overly generous. If someone needed help, I stepped up. If someone dropped a last-minute request, I adjusted. If silence followed a misstep, I carried the weight of responsibility to “fix it.”

But over time, I realized something: my constant over-accommodation wasn't kindness—it was exhaustion disguised as care. It left me drained, resentful, and questioning my own worth.

Lets use my 4D Framework to break this down on Boundaries And Communication: How I Stopped Over-giving And Found Peace

Discover

I had to discover where I was giving too much of myself—pouring out without being refilled. One moment that stands out was when I found myself committing to people's happiness and thinking more of their well-being than they did for themselves. And what made it worse—they turned around and called me names. Not saying thanks wasn't the issue, but if they couldn't express gratitude, the least they could have done was not fabricate lies to tarnish my reputation.

That was my wake-up call.

Dispel

I had to dispel the lie that kindness always means saying yes or being generous- ha! I have tightened my purse and give more silence and absence as gifts now. Genuine kindness doesn't mean self-sacrifice at the expense of your health, peace, or priorities. I can love you from Mars. Now, if I love you and like you, you won the lottery.

Decode

I had to decode the silence. When people failed to communicate or respect my time, I used to fill the gap with assumptions and overcompensation. Now, I see that lack of communication is often a red flag—not my cue to do more. 

Decide

I had to decide what aligned with my values. Was I saying yes to avoid conflict? Was I stretching myself to prove my worth? Or was I choosing commitments that actually supported my goals and reflected what matters to me?

One Spark.

You don't need to overdeliver to be valued.

That's the lesson I hold onto: my value isn't measured by how much I do for others, but by the boundaries I set that allow me to show up fully.

One Move.

Pause. Revisit the commitment.

Now, instead of rushing into “yes,” I pause. I ask: Does this align with my priorities? Is this mine to carry? And if the answer is no, I've learned that boundary is not rejection—it's protection.

Your Turn: Where are you over-accommodating? Where do you need to pause, reevaluate, and reclaim your peace?