My Solo Black Girl Trip To Antigua And The 5 Things I Learned (Again)

This was a trip I did not have to worry about anyone but myself; a trip I did not have to be considerate of the needs of whomever I was traveling with because I was on a solo Black girl vacation as a 32-year-old Ghanaian in a country I absolutely could not communicate in. 

The exciting possibility of the trip going in a totally different direction was welcomed and expected. I was open to language insolation, adventure, differences, loss, and surprises. Not only was that trip my first adult trip in a very long time, but it was also what I call my Experience Trip. It was my "yes" trip where I shook my head from north to south, not east to west.

This trip was my Zephyr.

I did not expect to come away with lessons from this trip. In fact, I was allowing myself to take things at a surface level rather than deep dive like I usually do. Although I paid for every tour and experience my soul wanted, I did not check in with my heart and spirit to see what they were coming away with. But oh, did other humans I found myself around check me on that forgetfulness!

Let me preface this by saying humans and human relations are not always dandy. Human relations are complex by nature and become more complex when you add privilege, closed experiences, different upbringings, dangerous conservative practices, and unchecked entitlements to the mix.

Without taking up too much of your engagement, let me share 5 things I learned again on my Solo Black Girl Trip To Antigua.

Honor up, honor down, honor all the way around. Generosity should not come with prerequisites. It should not be an if-then situation nor be subjected to any conditional circumstance. It should flow freely like a gentle breeze that catches you unaware yet intentional and rewarding to the receiver and the giver.

On two tours in Antigua, two White people reminded me of the lesson of generosity, privilege, and gratitude. In each story, they refused to tip or pay for a service they fully benefited from and could not do on their own without a local guide. 

Let's start with the White Irish man. It was an overnight Acatenango Volcano hike, where no one needed to chitchat or learn about how wonderful the intense hike was and what the honors of the six-hour unending steep incline would do on your bodies. We were suffering, me more than most- that hike took me out for a year! LOL

There was no tour to be given by our guide. The instructions were simple: follow the guide, enjoy the beautiful scenery, conserve energy, and hike at your own pace. So, for the White Irish man to say at the end that he would not tip only because the local guide (who made $30 for the overnight hike) did not speak English in a Spanish-speaking country was painful and unfair to hear. But that was his choice, and I am glad the company settled the guide's pay because if we had to pay him directly, there would have been a fracas.

The point I am making here is this: know you can always afford to be generous. Penalizing someone in a lesser position than you because of something out of their control is not warm and is unkind and unfair. At the same time, if you feel forced or upset to give, pause and reevaluate what is making you feel that way. If that emotional block is worth setting aside to allow a blessing to happen, give way to that. Blessings are protectors, way-makers, and healers in many ways we will never fully know and understand. So honor up, honor down, honor all the way around.

Pay to learn. Vacations and trips of any kind are expensive, especially post-pandemic. In the culture of DIY (do it yourself) and being "an expert after two successful trials in anything," we have lost the other culture of learning from locals and paying for that knowledge. In many Western countries, we will not argue about the money charged for a tour or to take a photo of something or someone. We are quick to pay for such services and experiences in fear of missing out or facing repercussions should we mistakenly violate a rule or two.

My trip to Antigua taught me that paying to learn, especially in a foreign country, is worth it and should equally put the fear of repercussion in us if we try any shenanigans, just as it would in Western countries. A sense of ego and privilege comes with it, and self-awareness, in this case, will be a better teacher and deliverer. 

Let's bring the story in. I observed a White woman from New York refusing to pay the tour guide $18 for a 5-hour market tour because the guide did not say he charged for his time when he introduced himself as a tour guide. 

When the guide softly told me his tour was $18 per person, I paid him immediately. I did not argue with him, and I knew he was not telling a tale because I have experienced tour guides approaching income tour buses and helping tourists around - because I was familiar with this service and way of doing things, I knew it was a miscommunication. Instead of getting angry, I took the opportunity to educate him on business acumen and the importance of speaking up to get paid. I told him, "Stop playing with your money, my friend." He thanked me and politely asked me to advocate for him with the other tourists as he genuinely thought the travel agency and driver did their part and informed us about the market tour being separate from the shuttle fee. It was an honest oversight on his part, our part, the driver's part, and that of the travel agency we booked through.

The White New Yorker's "this is about the principle and not the money" rhetoric after I relayed the message was challenged when she said she did not want to go on a tour anyway. She became angry with me for helping the tour guide ask for his pay even after he apologized for his meekness and assumption that the travel agency and driver never relayed the market tour and cost to us. 

As a form of social punishment, the White New Yorker excluded me from the group conversations and isolated me by talking only to the other two White tourists. There were four of us on the trip, so the intention to isolate me was evident, but I have tougher skin than that. The other two tourists, White Australians, echoed ill sentiments and paid the tour guide a small fraction of the total, with the excuse: "Well, we wanted a private tour anyway. We are also traveling for the next five weeks, and every money saved counts." 

It was more painful to tell the local guide, Richard, who came to me asking if they understood and would pay him. I told him they might not, and it would not be a total amount if they did. I encouraged and told him to always get paid before he started a tour, hugged him, and tipped him in addition to his pay. I did not say a word from that moment to anyone till the end of the trip and drive back home. I was deeply distressed by that experience.

Recognize hospitality, reciprocate in real-time, or pay it forward. I look forward to learning new ways to be hospitable when I travel. I love seeing different ways others serve, welcome visitors, show love and attention, and care toward strangers and each other - it is telling of the culture and sets a tone for the entire trip. 

Kindness is inexpensive but costs something. In fact, showing compassion and empathy is a form of sacrifice. Unfortunately, some people are uncomfortable sacrificing because they feel they will lose something (even if it can be replaced).

In my travel, I was reminded not to delay reciprocating kindness, showing gratitude, or making someone's day a little less difficult. Some examples are not bargaining to the death, paying more because the value of the experience or items surpasses the value of the paper money, tipping, paying full price, and knowing that an entire family depends on that price tag.

Speak less, listen more, and observe even more. Communication with words has always been the primary mode of interacting, connecting, and feeling. Silence is revered and always filled with sound. But I learned that the void is a space to be entertained and appreciated and is equally interactive. The Antigua trip was one of the many trips that made me slightly uncomfortable because I do not speak Spanish. This barrier elucidated the skills to listen more and talk less so I could observe enough to understand and stay safe. It's okay to not understand or speak the same language; language can be learned. While it will take a while, or your trip might be too short to become a novice speaker, you still have translation devices, silence, and observation to make the trip memorable.

Keep traveling if you want to grow deeper. This reminds me of a quote from Norse Life Rules (lessons from the Vikings), which says: "Be a person of worldly intelligence if you desire to sit with Kings [and Queens]." Traveling is one of the best teachers life has to offer. It brings invaluable lessons, exposure, and growth that never loses fragrance. You can't beat the mental and emotional polish you walk away with and the humility and memories that stay with you forever.

Exposure to a different culture, people, and religion has the power to reaffirm your beliefs, add more value to you, help shape or reshape your perceptions, and make quagmires easy to tackle and even appreciated. Give it a go; you won't regret it.

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Be gentle with yourself,

Celestina